01/1/21

Ranger Regiment To Be Replaced By Social Workers

In a surprise move, President-elect Joe Biden — plain Old Joe from Scranton — announced he is disbanding the US Army’s elite 75th Ranger Regiment composed of three battalions and replacing them with a gaggle of social workers.

Rangers back from a recent deployment to Afghanistan wherein they killed some 2000 terrorists and Taliban.

Rangers, of course, lead the way when it comes to smoting America’s enemies and are an elite unit with an inspiring combat record in America’s wars since World War II.

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12/5/20

A Letter to Joe Biden In Regard to Vaccine Distribution

Don’t be a baby, get the shot.

Dear Joe:

I hope this note finds everything well for you and yours. I keep watching you saying there is no “plan” to inoculate the country with the soon-to-be approved vaccine for COVID.

I thought I would share with you what I have learned doing minimal research on the Internet because, apparently, there is a plan.

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11/9/20

Exclusive Interview With Joe Biden On Healing

Minding my own business and I get a phone call.

“This the Big Red Car?” the voice asks. Sort of gravelly like he was speaking through a mask or had just gotten up from a nap.

“Yes, sir. With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?” I ask.

“This is Joe, a scrappy kid from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Joe Biden, President-elect of the United States of America. Want to talk to you, Big Red Car. Give you the benefit of my views on healing. You listening?”

“Well, sir, I am all ears. What shall we talk about?” I was admittedly a little anxious not knowing why he would have called me.

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