Going philosophical on you. Original Sin and White Privilege.
If you are a Christian, you likely know about the concept of Original Sin.
When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden — hey, have you ever imagined a world in which Adam and Eve had chocolate chip cookies with ice cold milk and didn’t bite into that apple (honeycrisp, likely)? — mankind was tagged with an ancestral sin that was fairly shared amongst all of us as collective guilt.
Here’s Michelangelo catching Adan & Eve in the act in the Garden of Eden.
[Note: The Snake, the perpetrator, seems to have womanly characteristics. No? Is that terribly unwoke to mention? If so, I apologize. Also, please take notice of the fact that everyone in the painting is white. This will turn out to be important.]
We all got our fair share of Original Sin in the womb whether you wanted any or not. When you were born (doesn’t make any difference if it was natural or Caesarian), the world said, “Welcome, you lovely little innocent blue-eyed baby, you Original Sinner.” No exceptions.
If left unattended, it disqualified us from going to Heaven. Big stakes.
If you are voluntarily baptized or submit to baptism, you can avail yourself of Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf and be washed clean of Original Sin. Luckily, almost anybody who can pour water out of a boot can baptize you.
[I once baptized a kid I was friendly with when we were surfing on a bad wave day. I haven’t spoken to him in decades. I wonder if it took. Sister Anne told me it should have taken, but who really knows? His brother, who I did not baptize, went to jail for murder.]
So, you know the cause, the penalty, the cure. Still, you have to work your way into Heaven on your own after you are washed free of Original Sin.
The liberal intelligentsia has anointed whiteness as being a form of Original Sin. They codify it as White Privilege. Nobody knows for sure why, or the intellectual basis for it, the liberal intelligentsia just do it.
They are, by the way, smarter than all of us combined, even if you are a nuclear physicist or a doctor. Some of you doctors are pretty close, but it may depend on your stance on abortion.
Like Original Sin, White Privilege is conveyed upon us in the womb and we cannot avoid the consequences. Oh, and there will be consequences, Whitey.
The liberals do not yet set the course for the perfect atonement, but they do give us hints.
1. We must prostrate ourselves before the liberal altar and conduct penance for the Original Sin of being born white. This is like an “every Thursday” thing like the Stations of the Cross for the Catholics.
2. We must not only seek penance, we must apologize to those who are superior to us in not being born white. Look to Maryann Williamson for guidance as to the proper type of group apology that is considered adequate.
Here’s a snippet from Maryann’s last such group apology. Damn, she’d make a great President. Let’s not overlook that.
Again, this is not one-stop-shopping. You have to do this pretty often.
Those of you who might protest that this group of White Folks were not around during slavery or that the African Americans to whom they apologize were also not around during applicable time periods, I say, “Oh, pleeeaaaase! Get woke. Shut up and apologize, you White Privileged (insert your own favorite profane descriptor)!”
3. We must atone to those who are not similarly afflicted by any of a number of fleeting and changing actions that the liberal Intelligentsia will tell us as soon as they figure it out. [Pro tip: Look to the Dem candidates, all 345 of them, or CNN for guidance.]
4. It is all directly tied to the Catechism of Wokeness, which is not part of our discussion for today.
But, let’s be clear, shall we? Being born white — though you had no role in your own whiteness — is bad.
Like Original Sin, our whiteness, our White Privilege somehow taints the entire human race. It, like Adam and Eve’s actions, ruins paradise. Remember Paradise?
Sure, there were snakes in Paradise, but the temperature was very nice — nobody needed to wear clothes. McDonald’s was open 24X7 and it was all free. [I picked McDonald’s because it was the most woke fast food joint I could imagine and, face it, they have damn good fries. Wouldn’t they have had great fries in Paradise?]
White Privilege does have one enormous utility, it can be used in the blame game to justify anything and to attribute bad intentions to any similarly afflicted person. If you are a liberal — should I be adding progressives also? — you don’t even have to have any evidence a white person did anything. These white people flaunt their transgressions on their skin.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting for a second that White Privilege is not a thing. What I am suggesting is that like Original Sin, it is not something we did to anybody out of meanness. It came with the whole being born ritual.
I did not do my whiteness TO you. I cut you off on MoPac — I did that. I flicked you off once. I did that. I served in the military when I was young and idealistic (plus there was a draft). I did that.
The whole whiteness thing, I didn’t have any choice. It was my mother and father who did that.
But, amigo, I never purposely decided to be white. It just happened. I was way more comfortable when the only thing I could be called was a “racist.” I get it that that began to lose its sting, but White Privilege?
Like Adam said to Eve when the Serpent tempted him with the Apple (made in China by the way subject to a 10% tariff), “I want a fucking do-over. This time I will smash that Serpent’s face in with the Apple and eat chocolate cookies with ice cold milk, take Eve to the beach, and body surf.”
Please accept my sincerest apology for being white. Would you like to go to McDonald’s and get some fries?
If not, I will still treat you with dignity and respect even though I am white. It was nice of you not to mention I am male and old. Thanks.