Big Red Car here. Perfect, hot, summer Texas day, y’all!

So, the debates? The Big Red Car likes to let them marinate for a day to be able to gauge the post-debate spin. The debate!

Here it goes, y’all.

For whatever reason, Fox News decided to play Pin the Tail on The Donald. Did it work?

Who did well?

At the kiddie table debate, Carly Fiorina was the class act and should have gotten moved to the varsity immediately. She was also the prettiest and best dressed in the entire show, indicating that she knows exactly how to work those womanly wiles.

They should have thrown her a uniform and said, “Carly, suit up with the big boys. You’ve earned it.”

The rest of the kiddie table participants? Have a great summer, y’all, position is filled. Thank you.

John Kasich — a very impressive guy — moved his candidacy forward with a solid performance which leveraged his years of Congressional experience, ten years in the private sector, and his sterling performance as Governor of Ohio. He has a brain. He has a heart. He has a chance.

Jeb Bush, the establishment candidate, looked and performed like . . . . .  Jeb Bush, the establishment candidate. He was tall, newly lean, wonkish, bespectacled, and uninspiring. While he has supposedly had a charisma transplant, he may want to up the dose. He looked like an Episcopal minister getting ready to lord over a funeral for some rich benefactors. Unimpressive but did well enough not to be sent home without dinner.

The Donald was his usual churlish self. John Kasich got it right. The Donald is tapping into the “pissed off at everything” nerve in the country.

Fox News seemed to have sharpened their dagger for The Donald. The first question about whether anyone on the stage would fail to support the Republican party nominee or run an independent campaign was a “Donald” question.

The question about his utterances about women was a little too pointed and was unique in that others did not receive similar questions.

The question about his business company bankruptcies was a little too complicated for Chris Wallace to air out. The Donald — in all his hundreds of business enterprises — has had four deals go sour. He used the bankruptcy laws, as is legal, to save them. He has never had a PERSONAL bankruptcy. Chris Wallace didn’t seem to understand this.

Let me be clear: I like seeing The Donald squirm and have to explain his actions. That’s the Nascar element of the debate that brings folk in. The impending train wreck. He is more than equal to the task.

But, that night, I wanted to hear about Presidential aspirations, plans for governing the country, economic policies, and foreign policy. I did not want to hear about The Donald’s comb over, wives, bankruptcies of companies he owned, and other “gotcha” nonsense.

Scorecard, Big Red Car?

The Donald won the spin contest after the debate big time and the straw polls were a big win for The Donald. This shows some surprisingly deep organization and has caught the chattering class off guard. The Donald is dominating the air waves and irritating the old, white, rich, country club Republican establishment.

[Pro observation: The Donald owns a lot of country clubs. He has donated to a lot of politicians. His explanation of how he donates and gets something in return — every time — is part of that pissed off nerve we were talking about. The system IS rigged. He should know, he is one of the all time great riggers.]

Big winners, Big Red Car? Carly, Kasich, The Donald

Tie goes to the runner? Jeb Bush

Biggest disappointment, no Traction Jackson? Scott Walker — why? Don’t get this one but Mr. Normal is suffering the same charisma deficit as Jeb Bush. He is a great Governor and would be a fabulous President even if he is a cheesehead. Hey, the Big Red Car loves cheese.

Miss Congeniality? Doctor Ben Carson — America’s new doctor. We love this guy but he’s not going to be able to separate America from their votes. He is a brain surgeon but this is not brain surgery!

Vice Presidential timber? Rubio, Kasich, Carly

Spend the rest of the summer at the beach? Christie, Rand, Pataki (3-term NY Governor, should be more attractive but is not), Cruz (most organized but not going to happen), Gilmore, Huckabee (go back to preaching, you’re good at it), Jindal, Santorum, Perry, Graham.

Sunscreen, y’all. Sunscreen! Have a great summer. [Chris, keep on that diet and stay away from the Jersey Shore saltwater taffy, dogs, and pizza. You’re down to blimp size now. Kinda mean, Big Red Car. You’re usually not that mean. Bullshit! I’m as mean as any other muscle car.]

Fox News

Fox News spent a lot of time patting themselves on the back. It is hard not to like Megyn Kelly (the new face — and legs — of the Fox Femme Fatale News) and Brett Baier. Not so much with Chris Wallace.

Their questions were not fair, on topic, or evenly distributed. Some of them were CNN or MSNBC or Al Sharpton quality pointed, personal attacks.

It was a presidential debate, not an investigative report. They were all gunning for The Donald — which just builds his meme of how unfair the media is to him — and it was painfully obvious. America loves the unfairly targeted underdog. You are feeding the fire.

The Donald was given the bully pulpit — he had more time than any other candidate, twice as much as some — and he used it. Fox News gave the mic to The Donald and he kept it.

Fox News lost my respect by their performance on a professional level. Shame on you, Megyn. OK, you’re cute as a button, I forgive you.

The viewership

This may be the most illuminating fact of the entire debate. America was watching and engaged.

The GOP Debate was the most viewed cable television show EVER (excepting only eight college football bowl games).

It was the most viewed political show EVER.

It had way more people than those who tune in for Monday Night Football.

In the 17-54 demographic, it crushed it.

WTF does this mean, Big Red Car?

The significance of this is debatable (haha, funny, Big Red Car, debatable?) but there is a credible notion that this is an indication of how irritated the American electorate is.

Note also this was a REPUBLICAN debate. This is an audience that is arguably interested in Republican politics.

I am sure the President and Hillary were watching but still this is an indication of the Republican base’s focus and they are engaged and interested more than a year before they normally would be. This was a Republican pep rally and bonfire.

Why, Big Red Car, why? THE DONALD. The freakin’ comb over, three wived, churlish, rude, leaning forward in his saddle, money making, self-aggrandizing, no shit taking, bitch smacking, flip flopping DONALD.

Why else, Big Red Car, why? The Make America Great Again meme, perhaps. America is tired of hearing we aren’t exceptional. We aren’t good. We are the problem. Christianity is as big a problem as beheading, crucifying, live burying, raping, murdering, immolating, drowning Muslims. We have no strategy to deal with ISIS but we’re going on vacation to Martha’s Vineyard for the sixth time.

America wants to be great again.

Electoral College calculus

Winning the White House requires good candidates (the last two Republican candidates, arguably, did not cross this hurdle), good messaging, good campaigning, a great GOTV (get out the vote) campaign, lots of money, and some luck. Oh, yeah, a bit of Electoral College calculus.

Two key states are Ohio and Florida. You win these states and you have one foot on the steps of the White House.

A Bush-Kasich or a Kasich-Rubio ticket kisses the ring of the Electoral College with Florida and Ohio in the win column before the first vote is stolen by a dead voter.

You inject a Spanish speaking candidate or a Cuban candidate and you blunt the edge of the Hispanic vote and might win one or two more states. You might even make the Democrats have to fight for California, draining their coffers substantially. Who knows?

The Republicans, who can always be counted on to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, have a very nice matrix of candidates from which to pick.

So, what’s the bottom line, Big Red Car?

The first debate is like the Speedo part of the Mr. Wichita Falls beauty contest.

It is not that important in the greater scheme of things but it is already possible to thin the herd and now the real work begins — who gets the votes from the culls?

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car. Be kind to yourself. Pay attention. The Donald? The freakin’ Donald? Haha, maybe.