Impeachment Trial Questions That Did Not Make The Cut

We are in day #1278 of Impeachment Trial #2 of Donald Trump as presented by Nancy Pelosi and Netflix with special guest appearances by Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer and their home boys, the US Senate.

Our US Senate Chamber where the action is today.

Yesterday, we were treated to a splendid four hour round of questions in which Senators asked questions of both the House Managers (prosecutors) and the lawyers for former President Donald J Trump (defendant).

Each Senator could ask a question. The written question was picked up by a page and sent to the be-masked Presiding Judge and Juror Senator Leahy of Vermont who then had it read by another be-masked indecipherable reader for final answer by the appropriate thespian, either the House Managers or the lawyers for DJT or both.

There were, however, some questions that did not get asked and your Big Red Car was able to retrieve them from the garbage can in which they rightfully lay quietly awaiting their transmittal to the dustbin of history.

 1. Can I get one of the commemorative signing pens used by Speaker Nancy Pelosi to sign the single Article of Impeachment? One of my kids wanted it and I told her if she made straight A’s I would give her whatever she asked for. Never thought she would make straight A’s. Kids. Sheesh.

 2. Will the President reconsider the cancellation of the Keystone XL Pipeline if the owner agrees to put Hunter Biden on the board and give him a 6% equity slice? [10% for the Big Guy is baked into that cake, of course]

 3. Why is Senator Leahy both the Presiding Judge and a Juror? WTF? Doesn’t that seem a little odd to anybody?

 4. Did Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts really say, “Fuck no I am not presiding over this kangaroo court. I had all the fun I wanted last time.  Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Let some other moron do that. Good luck getting anybody so stupid as to oversee an unconstitutional trial of a former President. Might try Leahy. He can be talked into anything.”

 5. Can an “armed insurrection” be “armed” if nobody has any “arms?” Asking for a friend.

 6. Serious question, “Why don’t we use the Salem Witch Trials standard? Tie the old boy in a burlap sack, throw him in the Potomac River, if he floats clear, then he’s innocent of all charges? If he doesn’t float, well then.”

 7. I already asked a question, but a friend of mine named AOC wants me to ask one for her. I know she’s not a member of the Senate, but can we make one little, small exception? Also, another friend, Hillary has a few questions. Please?

 8. Would it be unfair to impeach Donald J Trump once a month? Even after he’s out of office? Come on, man.

 9. Do you think that the American people watching this charade are thinking and saying, “Term limits. We desperately need term limits. Now. Look at these morons. Term limits. Good God do we need term limits.”

 10. Don’t we already know how the yeas and nays are going to turn out? Why not just vote?

 11. WTF are we going to do when former President Trump is acquitted? Can we impeach him again? How long is a decent interval before the next impeachment? Cause we can impeach him as many times as we want, right? Former President be damned.

 12. Do y’all think we should wrap this up so we can get on with some legislation to actually make people’s lives better — we still have that COVID-19 Relief Bill out there, right?

 13. OK, since we want witnesses, what would be wrong with some testimony from our pals in the press?

OK, that’s it for today. I have to go re-arrange my sock drawer which has gotten completely out of control in the last few weeks. Be well, amigo.

Try to start using your senses of humor again. They’re going to atrophy if you don’t.

But, hey what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car. This weekend call someone who may have not heard from you in a long time.