Trump’s Secret Weapon — Melania

Big Red Car here, y’all. Rainy day. Still, 60F is 60F.

So, with Hillary having unleashed Bill on the masses to make the sale through his stench of sexual impropriety, it is only a matter of time before Donald Trump unleashes his better half, Melania, on the campaign trail. No?

Who exactly is this Melania?

Who is Melania, Big Red Car?

This is Melania Trump. Whoa, Big Red Car!

She is a naturalized citizen as of 2006 — Donald Trump believes in legal immigration and his Melania is exhibit number one for legal immigration.

She is a graduate of the University of Ljubljana in her native Slovenia. Degree in architecture and design.

Melania speaks English, French, German, Serbian in addition to her native Slovenian. How many languages do you speak?

A child of a auto dealership manager and a fashion designer, she began to model at age 16 coming to the US in 1996 where she worked for Donald Trump’s Trump Model Management before hiring on to be the new Mrs. Donald Trump.

The girl has an eye for value as evidenced by her engagement ring.

She also got right to the task at hand delivering a child — a masculine child (imagine the Luca Brasi voice telling you this).

Here is Luca at a moment of crisis in his life.

Here is Melania and her cub. Nice looking little tyke?

In her spare time she is doing a lot of charity work — The Breast Cancer Research Foundation is a favorite. Seems fitting, no? [Very cheesy, Big Red Car. Very cheesy.]

Melania has a watch and jewelry collection she hawks on QVC — “Melania Timepieces & Jewelry.” She also has a skin care line — “Melania Cavia Complexe C6.” This will make gifting foreign dignitaries easier than trying to pawn off a CD of one’s speeches reminiscent of President Obama’s gift to the Queen of England. Sheesh!

She is 5’11” which intrigues the Big Red Car to no end. She is tall.

If it gets to a cage match between spouses, my money is on the girl with the architecture degree, the languages, and the voluptuousness from Slovenia.

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car.


2 thoughts on “Trump’s Secret Weapon — Melania

  1. Very cheesy.


    From all I can see, and I’m much better seeing now than some years ago, she is a total sweetheart. I hate to see kittens, puppies, girls, princesses, angels, and total sweethearts hurt. So, I believe that we should be sweet to a total sweetheart. In particular, it would be gauche, and don’t need to know much French for that, to be in any way, let me find a word, right, cheesy about her. Moreover, I have to believe that her husband, to make the understatement of this whole millennium, would be, to find another word, right, protective toward her.

    I believe that we can all be enormously proud to have her as our First Lady and want to be as nice to her as possible. E.g., if she shows some hints of preferring to be somewhat private, not unusual for a total sweetheart, then we should respect and honor that.

    To crack a joke, but, still, to illustrate, emphasize, and be more clear, one way to solve the ISIS problem: Have a video of some filthy Abdul Akbar al Fatwah ali Jihad bin Boom Boom dirt bag hint, even just a little hint, maybe even a bit ambiguous, about her. Then, all in 30 minutes, to borrow from the first movie Indiana Jones, the whole “desert wiped clean by the wrath of ” her husband and Commander in Chief. Boom Boom and his bro buddies all get their magic carpet ride, and we get a totally clean desert and no more inappropriates about a total sweetheart and USA First Lady.

    Newsies: Be careful, very careful, very, very careful what the heck you say, write, or hint about her. Did I mention careful? Do you remember her husband’s 10X remark? Maybe that was not fully accurate in all cases: About his wife, maybe he meant exp(10)X. Want to test him out on that one, make sure it isn’t exp(exp(20))X? Use your grade school arithmetic to estimate exp(exp(20))X and then think again. Hint: For exp(10), Google says 22,026.465,794,8. Compare exp(exp(20))X to that light little tap the earth got in Mexico from some little rock from space 65 million years ago. I could be wrong — consider also exp(exp(20!))X

    She’s a total sweetheart. Newsies, I’ve got just two words for you to remember — total sweetheart. You can remember just two words, right? Forgetting those two words stands to be a total career decision. Don’t forget those two words.

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