Trump, Exclusive Interview

Story line today, Making Trump Great Again?

Big Red Car here. Sort of a grayish day but it’s going to be bright and sunny before it’s over. 55F — brrrr — headed to 85F.

So, yesterday is a big day for one Donald Trump. The Big Red Car calls him on his private cell phone number and we chat for a few minutes.

“So, Mr. Trump, big day, no?” asks me, the Big Red Car.

“Yes, Big Red Car., huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!”

Then, he laughs.

“But, hey, Big Red Car,” says the Donald, “it’s just another day. These people here in Indiana. I love them and, more importantly, they love me. Love the poorly educated also. Lots of poorly educated and ill-informed folks here in Indiana. Did you see I got Bobby Knight to endorse me? Huuuuuuuuge! So, what you got, Big Red Car? I’ve only got a few minutes. Talk to me, baby.”

“What happens next, Mr. Trump?”

“What happens next, Big Red Car, is I go to work on Crooked Hillary.” The conspiratorial venom in his voice was cobra like. “I brand that bitch — ooops, can’t say that, can I, presidential and all — like a rented mule. I hammer her fat assed pants suited lying self like a chicken fried steak and I define her so her momma doesn’t recognize her. I expose her criminal record until everyone in America can recite it from memory. How’s that, Big Red Car?”

“That’s certainly descriptive, Mr. Trump. What happens with the FBI investigation?”

“Here’s the thing, Big Red Car. When I get through with Crooked Hillary — don’t you love that? Crooked Hillary? terrific — she’s going to wish the FBI indicted her cause it would be the easy path to the dustbin of history. Like that, Big Red Car? The dustbin of history? Melania came up with that. Terrific future First Lady. Now, where were we?”

“Hillary, Mr. Trump, Hillary Clinton.”

“Yeah, right,” he said. “You can quote me on this — when Donald Trump is done with Hillary, she’s going to wish she was under sniper fire. Can you believe Crooked Hillary? Sniper fire? What a liar. Almost as bad — no, worse — than Lying Ted. That Lying Ted got the message. One more notch on my gun, Big Red Car. One more notch on the folks who doubted Donald Trump. She’s a clown. A Crooked Clown.”

Hillary clown nose pic

“How does her husband, Bill Clinton figure into the campaign and your strategy?”

“Listen, Big Red Car, don’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice dipping low. “Just you and me, OK? I think Bill is getting a little skeezy in the head. Losing it. Not winning. Losing. When I’m president, all we do is win, win, win. OK, Bill used to be a high energy guy. Guy got more ass than a toilet seat in Grand Central Station. Hey, I can’t say shit like that now, can I? Forget that. Now, the guy looks like he’s on adventure day from the old folks home. Looks terrible. Skinny, low energy.”

“Are you going to brand him ‘low energy,’ Mr. Trump?”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about it. That ‘low energy’ branding worked good on Jeb. Fucking Jeb, establishment darling. Low Energy Jeb. His whole family. No, I do like his old man and I’d love to have a coffee with W. You know I don’t even drink, right? But, Jeb? Low. Energy. Low Energy Jeb. He got the branding treatment.”

“Big question, Mr. Trump?”

“Fire away, Big Red Car. You know, I might consider you for a cabinet position. You’re a smart car, no? You want a cabinet position? I might be able to squeeze you in. Any interest? You could probably help me out in Detroit. I need Michigan. Hell, I’ve got Michigan. I’m Donald Trump. Forgot for a second.”

“No, Mr. Trump, The Boss would never allow it. Sorry.”

“You ask him. We could make a deal. A great deal. All I’m going to be doing is making great deals. Making America Great Again. OK, big question, what is it?”

“Are you going to continue to self fund your campaign?”

There is a long, pregnant pause. I thought I could hear a cash register in the background.

“Mr. Trump, are you going to continue to self fund your campaign?”

Donald Trump looks thoughtful. An odd look for the man.

Trump unhappy face

“Yeah, I got the question, Big Red Car. I’m thinking about it. Give me a minute.”

A minute later, Donald Trump answers.

“No, Big Red Car. I’m not going to self fund my general election campaign.”

Our interview had ground to a halt.

“Mr. Trump, I know you’ve got to run,” I said politely knowing I had just received a scoop. “Thank you for the time we spent. Thank you for making time on such a momentous day. Thank you, sir.”

“Hey, Big Red — can I call you Big Red? Of course, I can. I’m going to be the next President of the United States. I can do whatever the Hell I want to do. Always could. I’m Donald Trump, right? Wow, it hasn’t really sunk in. President. OK, so, look, I’m going to want you to come to the Inauguration. Not going to be in DC. Going to have it at Trump’s place, Mar a Lago, in Palm Beach. Terrific place. I’m not kidding, Big Red. You’re coming and together we are going to — MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. See you. Private. Our conversation is private. You look great. New paint job?”

I thanked him again.

“Now I really have to go, Big Red, a call is coming in from that stiff Mitt Romney. Wonder what that loser wants. All the losers are calling Trump today. Fucking losers said I couldn’t do it. Low energy guy, Mitt Romney.”

“Mitt, my man, great to hear from you. What can I help you with, my friend?”

So, the interview ended with several observations. Trump is still Trump. “Make America Great Again” is still the theme of the campaign. A ton of poorly educated and ill-informed voters have propelled Donald Trump to the GOP nomination thereby defying the GOPe, the Establishment. Crooked Hillary is getting ready to be branded, defined, brutalized, and beaten like a red headed stepchild with a lisp. Trump will not be self-funding his general election campaign.

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car. Be kind to yourself. Why? It’s Wednesday.cropped-LTFD-illust_300.png





9 thoughts on “Trump, Exclusive Interview

  1. My Congressman, Chris Gibson, Ph.D., US Army, retired, Colonel, was elected with a promise of a self-imposed term limit and, thus, this is his last year in Congress. He intends to go for teaching.

    Trump should pick him for his VP. Pass the word.

    • .
      You mentioned him before and I looked him up. What a great guy.

      I think term limits are essential to our continued survival as a country. Nobody can withstand the assault on their character for more than two terms.

      I look at all the 24+ year Senators and I want to puke.


      • Great! Good. Can you pass along his name for VP or would that long in DC corrupt him?

        Trump has mentioned that for VP he wants someone who knows Congress.

        And, Trump is highly interested in the military, and Gibson has been on the House Armed Services committee in addition to his Army career. Sounds like maybe Trump should consider Gibson.

        I don’t have any good way to propose Gibson to Trump. Maybe you do?

        • .
          I suspect that tactically, Trump will go with someone who brings a state, a gender counter blow, shores up Hispanic support, or a record of Congressional achievement which blunts criticism in the manner in which Biden dragged Obama along.

          As to a state — Ohio (Kasich), Florida, Arizona (woman, Hispanic).

          I personally like Condoleeza Rice. I would donate blood to make that happen.

          It is tactics and vetting now.

          It will NOT be Carly.


          • Yes, I suspected that he might use such considerations.

            For the woman card, I did notice — and darned nice to look at — at his Indiana victory presentation that behind him were mostly women, in his case, all world-class, drop dead gorgeous, his wife, older daughter, maybe also his younger daugher, maybe some wives of some of his sons, etc.

            But I suspect that those traditional criteria actually won’t help much, are just traditional political thinking that Trump just showed can be so wrong.

            For Condi, I wrote her off after her remarks about the aluminum tubes, IIRC, claiming that they were really special and for centrifuges for separating uranium isotopes. IIRC, no, and the DoE told her so. Insead, the tubes were just common off the shelf items (COTS) and used by some Iraqis for making essentially DIY rockets.

            Such errors were part of how the heck we threw away some very precious US blood and treasure in that Mideast oily toilet and, as bad as it was, left it much worse off, still, now, than when we invaded. Now, if only to defeat ISIS, we will have to go back there in some form. Total bummer.

            IIRC, Condi couldn’t get her aluminum tubes straight, left her brain idling with her mouth in gear, or some such. If I am right about the tubes, then that was just too big of a mistake, conceptually simple and almost entirely just technical, with good information for the DoE, to make.

            I understand that she is tightly wound, good at piano, usually very serious, quite proper, long single, etc. But her aluminum tubes mistake for something as important as the Gulf War II has me mark her off my list of anyone that should be within 100 miles of DC.

            Gulf War I worked out great. Just last week again I watched H. Schwarzkopf’s “mother of all press conferences” on how we won that war — just to see something important done very well.

            Gulf War II really set us back. So did Viet Nam. I don’t see how we can take many more such mistakes.

            In some parts of our country, we need quite a lot of competence, a high bar on competence. US foreign policy having to do with nuclear energy and weapons is one of those.

            I hope I’m wrong about Condi.

  2. Terrific. Funny. Nice parody.

    Okay, he’s got some rough edges, maybe deliberately, maybe otherwise, but who the heck was, net, better?

    And likely he really can deliver on at least a significant fraction of what he promised. And he will quit making the many outrageous mistakes of Obama and that maybe Hillary would.

    But I’d be careful about Cruz and Kasich: Cruz could still be campaigning and trying to get delegates for ballots 2, 3, … and, then, win. If Trump doesn’t keep campaigning, e.g., in CA, in particular actually to actually, for real, in the bank, locked up, on paper, in granite, in bronze, 1,237 on the first ballot, then he could still fail on the first ballot and lose it to Cruz or Kasich, etc.

    There’s no law that says that Cruz must actually give up now, and, even if there were a law, he is likely good enough as a lawyer to get around it.

    Very clearly, Trump understands contracts. Well, Trump has no contract with the GOP, Priebus, Cruz, Kasich, or even Jeb! yet. Likely 1,237 on the first ballot would stand up in court, but just 1,236 on the first ballot could be no more solid for the nomination than a spit to windward. No counting chickens before they hatch. Measure twice, saw once. Both belt and suspenders. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Check, double check, recheck, do it all over again, and have a comfortable margin for the unexpected.

    Trump better keep campaigning. Sure, now he wants to attack Hillary. Terrific. But maybe he should do that heavily in the states to vote on June 7, just a mere coincidence, you understand. Then he can campaign in states the Democrats traditionally win, e.g., NY, PA, MI, starting on June 8.

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