I love a lobster roll. Who doesn’t? Sure, they can be pricey, but you, amigo, are worth it.

There are only a handful of places you can get a good one in Austin By God Texas.

One of those places is Barton Creek Country Club. They used to call theirs a “lobster club.” Here is one in the wild. You get them at Crenshaw’s bar. Very nice. Very, very, very nice on the way home from church.

I had one the other day and it was inspiring in its deliciousness. Truly inspiring. [Pro tip: it puts your loved ones in a very expansive and happy mood. Happy wife, happy life. No?]

Barton Creek Country Club — lots of lobster for $19. No roll is a little off-putting, but the magnitude and freshness of the lobster makes up for it. We are flexible.

Another place is used to be Garbo’s, a seafood place with a direct connection with lobster boats. This is what their lobster roll used to look like:

That is a juicy lobster roll, no? This is what Garbo’s used to serve back in the day.

Imagine my surprise when I ordered a lobster roll from Garbo’s on a takeout basis and got this pathetic, miserly, mean-spirited piece of dung:

This is the $22 takeout Garbo’s lobster roll I bought and received. Totally inadequate, a travesty.

I know what you are saying, “Holy smokes, Big Red Car, that isn’t a lobster roll. Not sure what it is, but that is not a lobster roll. You got screwed. You got robbed.”

This is just so wrong on so many planes — theft of my money, misrepresentation of deliciousness, preditation, false advertising, crushing one’s appetite. Wrong, wrong, wrong — shame on you Garbo’s. Shame on you.

This is the pic Garbo’s uses on their website to depict their lobster roll.

This is not the lobster roll I received.

I thought you needed to know. You cannot reach these folks via phone. I called them, left a message, and did not get a call back. I am irked, not vexed, but irked.

Garbo’s

12709 North MoPac Expressway

Austin by God Texas 78727