Comes before us this gray Sunday morning, the changing story of the Hunter Biden laptop.
“Hunter, this laptop thing is a little dicey.” “Don’t worry, Pop, I got it. I hired Abbe Lowell.”
You will recall that Hunter:
1. delivered his personal laptop to a computer store for some work,
2. forgot about it (perfectly understandable as he was doing a lot of drugs in those days before he became a energy company boardmember, VC/PE, international financier, painter),
3. the computer store guy looked into it (he was hired to do that),
4. the computer guy got spooked when he saw some of the content — hookers, drugs, felonies,
5. computer guy turned it into the FBI who told him it was the smart play,
6. but not before copying the hard drive, and
7. eventually giving a copy to this Rudy Guliani chap with the melting hair dye.
Hunter Biden at the time pretended to not know for sure if it was his laptop, but eventually admitted it.
You with me?
There’s more
So, the FBI looked at the laptop and then put it into protective custody on a shelf whilst the copied contents made their way into the hands of the New York Post.
The FBI claimed they were “investigating” the laptop and Hunter Biden, but folks are skeptical thinking they more likely buried it.
1. The NY Post published some of the pics — perfectly legal for a publisher even if the pics are obtained by a bad act — and wrote a story or two about the laptop.
2. It was near the end of the hotly contested 2020 election basement campaign and the Biden bunch gathered up 51 first rate “intel professionals” who signed a brutally dishonest letter saying the NY Post report and the laptop had all the makings of a CLASSIC Russian disinformation campaign.
They, of course, had not actually seen the laptop or perused the contents, but they were “intel professionals” and knew CLASSIC Russian disinformation when they didn’t see it.
3. Turns out the FBI was giving Twitter a wet willie and demanding they block, shadow ban, and diminish specific accounts — including the New York Post — because they were spreading disinformation, Russian disinformation, CLASSIC Russian disinformation about the laptop.
Twitter shut down the NY Post account on the demand of the FBI who knew the story was not only not CLASSIC Russian disinformation, but accurate, truthful, and correct.
The FBI rolled Twitter like a drunk in an alley and Twitter sat up and begged for more.
[Point of order: Elon Musk awkwardly released all the emails showing this lapdog behavior. Ouch. Musk has never really been a Team Biden guy.]
4. At all times, the FBI knew the laptop was legitimate and that the NY Post story was correct and that the 51 “intel professionals” were full of baloney.
Imagine multiple Directors of Central Intelligence and DNIs and “intel professionals” all making the same honest mistake in the week before the election. What a bloody coincidence!
5. There are some radical, conspiracy theorists who would say the FBI was a tool of the Biden campaign to place a fat thumb on the electoral scales.
Others will identify the FBI – Twitter nexus as being an odious and foul smelling bit of election tampering.
Far be it from me to repeat such scurrilous drivel.
There’s even more
Comes now the new Republican majority in the House of Lords Representatives who are already sticking their noses into the Hunter Biden laptop story.
So what does Hunter do?
Hunter goes over to the offensive and hires Abbe Lowell, a 70-year-old gray beard white collar crime lawyer and political operative who has represented such A-listers as Pretty Boy John Edwards, Senator Bob Menendez, Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Hunter Biden, Jim Wright, Dan Rostenkowski, and Charles Keating.
Lowell is a shrewd lawyer and when he takes over the case, his first move is to regrow the Hunter Biden laptop’s hymen.
He does what, Big Red Car?
Bit crude, but Abbe does three things:
1. He takes a step back and says maybe it isn’t Hunter’s laptop. He actually says that.
Sure, it’s a bit late in the game to make that play, but it’s Abbe By God Lowell and if he says it isn’t Hunter’s laptop who is Hunter to say otherwise.
OK, so what if Hunter admitted it was his, is filled with dick pics of Hunter banging whores and smoking crack? Maybe that isn’t him?
2. Lowell, a great legal tactician, further asserts that if it were Hunter’s laptop — which it isn’t, but play along — then someone has some answering to do for why they violated his client’s reasonable expectation of privacy.
Please suspend your petty disbelief about the laptop being abandoned by the Biden boy during his wrestling match with his own demons. It makes you look very small.
3. Abbe Lowell calls for a DOJ criminal investigation — not of Hunter Biden, but of whatever dastardly bastard violated his client’s privacy by revealing disparaging information from the laptop — WHICH ISN’T HUNTER’S LAPTOP ANYWAY.
Are you following this?
It isn’t Hunter’s laptop, but if it is, then somebody has some ‘splaining to and let’s get DOJ to initiate a criminal investigation of THOSE bastards, but remember it isn’t Hunter’s laptop.
Whew. Exhausting.
Bottom line it, Big Red Car, I’m feeling dizzy
OK, here goes:
1. The laptop is Hunter’s.
2. The laptop is filled to overflowing with bad news for Hunter and The Big Guy.
3. There are pictures and emails that show Hunter to be a corrupt pervert and The Big Guy to be involved to the top of his balding head.
4. It is not bloody well CLASSIC Russian disinformation.
5. The 51 “intel professionals” are no more credible than a three day hungry Airedale with an open bag of dogfood told, “Don’t eat it all the first day, Scooter. Pace yourself.”
6. The FBI dedicated more than 30 persons to work the Twitter angle and directed Twitter to do things based on lies they knew to be lies because they had the bloody laptop.
[The FBI reimbursed Twitter $3.5MM for Twitter staff time. WTF?]
7. Twitter licked the toes of the FBI when even their own internal musings questioned whether any of this was true.
8. Twitter banned, shadow banned, and closed down accounts solely upon the request of the FBI.
Nobody will ever be punished for any of this and that, dear reader, is the real bottom line.
Now, let’s investigate whoever violated Hunter Biden’s (victim) privacy and whether a laptop can re-grow its hymen.
Have a great week.
But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car.