Donald J Trump has been indicted. The exact charges are not yet known and will not be known until he is formally arraigned next week.
Bananas Foster, a lovely, decadent dessert for sybarites, voluptuaries, and hedonists invented in 1954 at Brennan’s in New Orleans to honor a loyal customer named Foster.
What did The Donald do, Big Red Car?
Chief amongst the candidate crimes are:
1. Felony jay walking in Manhattan on a snow day;
2. Aggravated Tweeting — yes, I know the old boy hasn’t been on Twitter for some time, but the Manhattan District Attorney doesn’t really follow the whole statute of limitations shuffle;
3. Falsifying a business record (the account to be charged for an expense) some seven years ago — a misdemeanor with a two year statute of limitations;
4. Failing to floss on a regular basis;
5. Taking more than two Mulligans in any calendar month; and, my fave
6. Paying a couple of ladies of ill repute not to say bad things about him whilst he was running for POTUS seven years ago which, apparently, is not a crime
7. Eating catsup/ketchup on his steak at 21 in Manhattan
8. Using the wrong fork with shellfish
9. Walking in front of the Queen whilst trooping the line with Her Majesty
But, but, but, but, Big Red Car
No ifs, ands, or buts about it — Donald J Trump has been indicted.
1. You may say the likely allegations — falsifying a business record and making an illegal contribution to his own campaign by paying women with whom he had a Non-Disclosure Agreement to not disclose things that were important to Donald J Trump — are stale, inconsequential, beyond their statute of limitations, and clearly a political bludgeon.
That is your right.
2. You may say such allegations by a District Attorney who routinely releases indicted felons and dismisses their cases is playing at politics and that the only reason he is doing this is because the old boy’s name is TRUMP.
That is your right.
3. You may call this an example of the weaponization of the justice system for political purposes.
That is your right.
4. You may say the District Attorney, a Mr. Bragg, is a hopeless shill and was elected with Soros money to wreak havoc on the justice system — which he has.
That is your right.
5. You may even note that a Manhattan District Attorney is operating outside his own jurisdiction when the Department of Justice, the Mueller Commission, and the Federal Election Commission have passed on pursuing a legal case on this matter.
That is your right.
6. You may say that what is good for the goose is good for the gander and that the Federal Election Commission investigated another campaign (HRC, I’m With Her?) for using campaign funds to purchase a shopworn and fictitious Dossier and then paid for it through the legal billings of the campaign lawyers for which she received a fine.
That is your right.
7. You may even say that indicting a former President in the midst of an announced political campaign seven years in arrears is election tampering.
That is your right.
8. You may say such conduct is what Banana Republics do.
That is your right.
Point of order and request
But, dear reader, if you go with #8 above will you indulge me and call it a BANANAS FOSTER REPUBLIC? Please.
Bottom line it, Big Red Car
I told y’all a couple of months ago that Donald J Trump would be indicted. Now, I tell you this:
The allegations and the resulting case will be dismissed during pre-trial motions.
No jury will ever hear this pathetic attempt at preventing this Trump character from seeking re-election.
I stand by my earlier assertions that DJT’s shelf life expiration date has passed, that his “sell by date” has come and gone, but I must object to this silly charade which is indicative of a Bananas Foster Republic.
But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car. Please pass the bananas Foster.