Miss Piggy — Presidential timber?

So, the Big Red Car is in Steamboat Springs enjoying the cool weather, the crisp air, and the colorful leaves. Wow!

Meanwhile, a new political storm has been unleashed in the form of Miss Piggy — Miss Universe, 1996, Alicia Machado.

By all accounts, Miss Michado is a laudable woman.  Miss Universe 1998. Nude poseur in Playboy Mexico. Live sex actress on a reality show. Mother of a drug lord’s child. Girlfriend to a murderer and threatener of Judges.

A combination of Mother Theresa and Harriet Beecher Stowe.

After being crowned Miss Universe, she rewarded herself with a year’s subscription to the All You Can Eat Pancake Buffet at International House of Pancakes, whereafter she porked up a bit, gaining a substantial poundage and girth to go with it.

There is some considerable disagreement on how much with the “under” pegged at 25 lbs while the “over” stands at 60 lbs. A pretty nice weight gain if you’re breeding cows but not so much if you’re Miss Universe, which is after all about looks, no?

Apparently, DJT — now the owner of the Miss Universe Pageant — objected to the weight gain and urged her to return to her svelte award winning form, not unlike the weight restrictions that a Radio City Rockette or a Las Vegas showgirl must maintain. The pageant wanted to fire her as a result of her failing to meet her contractual obligations.

Cometh DJT (white knight style, no?) and says, “Let’s give her a chance to get back in shape, shall we?”

It is alleged that he called her “Miss Piggy” though nobody is able to come up with any definitive evidence. Let’s be clear here, we are not the kind of folk who require evidence or proof, right? If HRC says it, then it is so.

[I still think HRC WAS under sniper fire in Bosnia whereat she “ran with her head down” to avoid the sniper fire sweeping the tarmac. I cannot tell you how easy it is to confuse a receiving line ugly with little girls and flowers for sniper fire.]

What has also come to be known is that the HRC campaign has been working this incredible bit of election strategy for some considerable time having coordinated springing it upon the public with media outlets who had interviews and articles in the can before the debate was even whistled open.

You have to admire that kind of preparation.

DJT, not one reluctant to try to put a fire out with a splash of gasoline, intends to visit the subject of WJC’s many, many “indiscretions” — all unknown to Saint Hillary, mind you. HRC says that if this happens she will discuss DJT’s marriages and affairs.

These Clintons leave a bad taste in my mouth. Ugh. Lucky for me I kept the sperm enhanced blue dress?

The MSM has begun to pick up on the core issue — HRC’s enabling and vicious attacks against any woman who came forward to either acknowledge an affair, to allege rape, or to discuss the implications of l’affaire Lewinsky or P Jones (she the recipient of $850,000 from Bill & Hillary when they were almost broke, mind you).

The MSM has awoken to the possibility that when HRC defended WJC’s innocence — no he didn’t get a blow job at age 49 from a 22 year old unpaid intern in the White House — as a groundless attack propounded by a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Unfortunately, it all turned out to be true that the most powerful man in the world used his power to get a 22 year old unpaid intern to blow him in the Oval Office. Arguably, this was HRC’s job, no

So, here we are folks. The smartest woman in the world is focused on earning your trust in her ability to run the United States based on the exploits of a hopeless degenerate named Miss Piggy while DJT is unable to pass the bait and not be drawn into the cesspool that is being stirred by the HRC campaign.

A pox on both of their houses.

I have an admission to make. When I was a lad, I called one or both of my sisters Miss Piggy which is why I am not running for office. Cause I know it would otherwise disqualify my foreign policy initiatives and fitness to be Commander-in-Chief. Wreck my plans for the economy and crater my immigration policies.

Which leads to this: I intend to write in “Miss Piggy” for President on 8 November 2016. She seems to be able to get powerful people to see things through her lens, no?

Call me when this shit is over, please?

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car and I can’t wait to get that big fat ass in my driver’s seat. No, I’m not talking about HRC, y’all. Elevate. Get out of the gutter.