House/Senate Republicans Denied Access to Men’s Rooms

Big Red Car here. The Boss is in the ‘Boat sliding down the slopes with little sticks attached to his big feet. Why? Why, Boss?

Meanwhile, here in the ATX, me and the house sitter are enjoying the 65F sunny weather with the top down. Haha. Do not tell The Boss.

So, in a surprise announcement the House and the Senate Republicans were caught flat footed when the Capitol police informed them that they would no longer be allowed to use the men’s rooms in the Capitol and the Capitol Complex.

Some were caught off guard but Mitch McConnell had it about right when he said, “It was going to happen some day, wasn’t it? We haven’t acted like men for a long time. Paul Ryan called to ask if I had found our balls and I said I had not. Haven’t seen them since the 2014 mid-terms. Sorry.”

House Speaker Paul Ryan was not so magnanimous, saying, “I’ve got a thick black beard.Very manly by any standard. Sure, we gave the President everything he asked for in our recent faux omnibus spending bill. We acted like little girls but this is embarrassing and constitutes a micro-aggression. I thought I had the balls but, oh, well!”

The Republicans, having been granted control of the Senate and having their majority enhanced even further in the House by the electorate in 2014, gave the President the following Christmas presents:

1. The Republicans fully funded Obamacare after promising in 2014 to repeal it.

2. The Republicans fully funded Planned Parenthood after solemnly promising to defund it.

3. The Republicans fully funded all of the President’s immigration initiatives including accepting as many Syrian refugees as can be shipped to the US including however many of them are ISIS affiliates.

4. The Republicans added $80 billion to the deficit after promising to reduce the deficits.

5. The Republicans abandoned the “sequester” automatic spending cuts they had received as the quid pro quo for raising taxes in the past.

When asked about this, Speaker Ryan said, “We also promised to post bills for review, conduct our business under the rules of regular order, and a lot of other stuff. None of that stuff happened either.”

When he was reminded that the omnibus bill was over 2,000 pages, was available for less than 48 hours, and was supported by all the Democrats and just a handful of Republicans, he said, “That’s bi-partisanship, baby.”

One is tempted to observe that the voters for a bill may suggest whose interest is best served by that bill.

The President said, “Thank you to my girls, Mitch and Paul. Y’all did good. Next year, I’m going to let you pass my gun control initiative, close Gitmo, allow every refugee in the Middle East into the country, and increase the deficits. Haha, Merry Christmas, girls.”

The Capitol Police were direct when they informed Senator McConnell and Speaker Ryan, “Even in the gender ambiguous world we currently live in, the failure of the basic male nature of the Republican party makes it inappropriate for you to be allowed admission to the men’s rooms in the Capitol and the Capitol Complex.”

When confronted with this harsh judgment, Ryan also said, “I’m not sure who has the cojones this week. I borrowed them for a few hours last week but they just didn’t fit. I’ll do so much better in 2016 because my wife says she’s getting me a pair for Christmas.”

In other news, Donald Trump said, “Face it, they’re pussies. I don’t know why the women in the Senate and House want these chicas in their restrooms. My balls? Huge!”

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car but I recognize a ballless bunch of girly men when I see them. Be nice to each other, y’all. And if you find the Republicans’ missing balls will you please turn them into lost & found?

10 thoughts on “House/Senate Republicans Denied Access to Men’s Rooms

  1. Looking at the Reuters poll at:

    polling Republicans they get:

    Donald Trump 30.6%
    Ted Cruz 16.7%
    Ben Carson 12.7%
    Marco Rubio 8.4%
    Jeb Bush 6.8%
    Wouldn’t vote 6.5%
    Mike Huckabee 4.6%
    Carly Fiorina 3.8%
    Rand Paul 3.6%
    Chris Christie 3.3%
    John Kasich 1.7%
    Lindsey Graham 0.7%
    George Pataki 0.4%
    Rick Santorum 0.2%

    Yes, the percentages add to 100%.

    Taking the top 4, get


    So, for a scenario, if the top 4 stay in
    the race and the rest drop out, then does
    the leader get 50% or more? Let’s see:
    Suppose the votes of the ones that drop
    out are distributed to the top four in
    proportion to their current votes, then

    30.6 * 100 / 68.4 = 44.736,842,105
    16.7 * 100 / 68.4 = 24.415,204,678
    12.7 * 100 / 68.4 = 18.567,251,462
    8.4 * 100 / 68.4 = 12.280,701,754



    which do add to 100.

    So, the top guy still gets only


    So, if Trump wants to “run the table”,
    then he still has some work to do.

    • .
      Logic perfect. Too early. Carson disappears.

      The pros already know it gets down to Trump, Rubio (Florida), Cruz.

      In that threesome are a President and and a VP with Rubio being the likely VP candidate because of Florida.

      It is still a little too early. Bush, however, is done. Stick a fork in him. The GOPe is angry.


    • If no one has a majority on the first vote at the convention the delegates are released from their commitments.

      If that happens Paul Ryan will be drafted by the GOP. That was his quid pro quo for taking the speaker’s job.

      • Wow!

        And supposedly the Omnibus spending bill he just pushed through permits the US to export crude oil.

        Ah, so much for that. I have been trying to prove something. I’ve got a proof in Hilbert space and Banach space and of a special case in just a normed linear space but trying to see if I can get the rest of it proved in just a normed linear space. The result partly enables a partial solution to the old onerous over fitting problem.

        Meanwhile, it’s just gorgeous:

      • So, let’s see: So, suppose the Donald (TD) reaches the Repub convention with 40% of the primary votes and second place has, say, 20%. So, then, presto, bingo, the GOPe claims that the delegates are released and, then, somehow, they all vote for Ryan. Why, the Koch brothers promise each delegate a visit at their chateau in Aspen or Jackson Hole?

        Okay. Presumably the GOPe doesn’t just want Trump to lose but also wants Ryan to win. Tilt! Halt! Then, sure, TD just tells the GOPe an old quote: “We hang together or we hang separately.” Of course this means that to TD this little GOPe “presto, bingo” thingy means that the GOP did not treat TD “farily” so that, in response, TD runs as a third party candidate. E.g., maybe back at Wharton TD got a good grade on the test the week they covered decision trees and another good grade the week they covered game theory? I could believe that.

        Then, sure, if TD runs as a third party candidate, there is only a small chance that TD gets a majority in the Electoral College but no chance that Ryan or the GOPe gets a majority in the Electoral College. Then, IIRC, the election goes into the House where, hmm, maybe Ryan wins, Or more likely Hillary wins. But with still some chance that TD wins — he could even pick up some Dem votes.

        So, at the convention, TD with 40% of the Repub primary votes gets to tell the GOPe, “Want to win? I’m a loyal Republican. We together can beat that Wicked Witch from Chappaqua.” Or, TD says, “You have two choices: (1) Join with me and together we can win the White House and bring peace and order to the US (the GOPe might like that phrasing!). (2) Fight with me and likely give the White House to that Wicked Witch.”

        Somehow I have to suspect that TD and his advisers and lawyers saw all of this well before TD and his wife came down the escalator at Trump Tower and announced. E.g., TD has been thinking about running for POTUS going back several elections.

        Sure, if TD can get 50% in the Repub primaries, then he is a first ballot winner at the Repub convention. But if he enters the convention with just the high plurality he has now, then he may still win the Repub nomination, beat the Wicked Witch, and win the White House.

        I’m not quite getting it: Just why is the GOPe so enamored with Paul Ryan over TD that they would work so hard to nominate Ryan and, then, stand such a big chance of both Ryan and TD losing to the Wicked Witch? Ryan has, what, some secret sauce?

        E.g., TD can get huge crowds way up on their hind legs and excited to vote in November, while in the general population Ryan is nearly an unknown.

        TD is no dummy: IMHO he is taking policy positions that would stand to get him a lot of Democrat votes.

      • .
        The GOPe would likely be betting the entire election and the future of the party on that action. It would alienate a lot of folks — me for one.

        BTW, the notion of “releasing” delegates is not as easy as one might be led to believe. Many state delegations have their own rules and it is based on whether a state is a “winner take all” state or not.

        Winner take all states v proportionate states allocate ALL their delegates to the winner.

        It gets very complicated because, as an example in a winner take all state, if my state were won by Cruz and I actually favored Trump I would then be able to ADD to DT’s #s when released.

        Many of these rules have never been tested and I suspect it would set off a riot.

        The RNC would likely have to be controlled by the GOPe to make this happen and right now that is not the case. Everybody working for the RNC could count on losing their job in the aftermath of this.

        If it were to happen, I suspect it would be the death knell of the Republican candidate because he would not any state organizations to champion his actual election.

        I doubt that Trump would have the organizational depth to mount a 3rd party campaign nor would he have the time.

        Might as well anoint Bernie.


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