The Musings of the Big Red Car

Dueling — the Revival of an Iconic American Method of Dispute Resolution

Big Red Car here in the ATX on a glorious day which should crack 80F, ahhh, on Earth as it is in Texas, y’all.

So, the Big Red Car is freestyling today with a serious thought — it’s time to revive dueling as a means of alternative dispute resolution.

There it is. Look at it. Touch it. Smell it. Taste it. Do it.

The Big Red Car is tired of everyone yelling at each other.

Ted Cruz objects to Donald Trump talking smack about his Heidi?

Ted hitches up his pants (little pants cause he’s kind of short) and challenges big, tall Donald Trump to a duel. There it is!

No wagging fingers into the camera. No calling names. No late night Tweets. Just an old fashioned challenge to a duel. What could be more effective.

How would this work, Big Red Car?

OK, like everything else, there’s got to be some rules, right? OK, here’s some draft rules for your consideration.

This is a very simple thing to do and to do right, no?

What kind of knives, Big Red Car?

Glad you asked that, dear reader. The knives must be either a KBar

or a Fairbairn-Sykes Commando knife.

The knives would have to be sharpened to a razor’s edge and spare knives have to be brought to the duel.

An American tradition, Big Red Car, really?

Yes, dear reader, y’all remember the famous Hamilton v Burr duel, no? Back in the day, these two gents had an “affair of honor” dispute and put it to the test in Weehawken, NJ which had a “dueling ground.” A freakin’ dueling ground.

Aaron Burr was the then sitting Vice President of the United States under President Jefferson.

Alexander Hamilton had been Washington’s Secretary of the Treasury. He and Burr had a fractious and contentious relationship constantly plotting with and against each other. It was a mess.

Here is some background on these two gents: Burr v Hamilton. Damn good read as it involves politics and reputations and insults and all the same stupid shit we are seeing today. Some stuff never changes.

So, there you have it, dear reader.

Let’s restore the iconic American tradition of dueling. We can start with Ted Cruz and Donald Trump or as I like to call them Creepy and Braggy.

Hey, it could work. Trust me on this. Or, maybe, we’ll settle the matter with sharpened index cards?

But, hey, what the Hell do I really know anyway? I’m just a Big Red Car! Be good to yourself and give this dueling idea serious consideration. It would clean things up, no?