Big Red Car here.  Need some more rules.  So here goes.

Family

Sure, go ahead, tell your Mom that you don’t like the present she bought you for your birthday.  Any idea how she was feeling on your “actual” birth day, you dumbass.

Newsflash — when you and the Grim Reaper are going “best out of three”, you will not be calling for your poker buddies, you will be calling for your Momma.  Treat her good now.

Write your Dad a three page letter telling him everything you admire about him.  It is all inside of you but that trophy letter will be a big hit at the retirement home.  Create a trophy.  It will also be very, very good for you.  Mutual therapy.

Your family will always love you.  Always.  After all when they first met you, you used to crap in your pants.  So they are pretty hard to get too alarmed.

Politics

Yes, they really do think you are that stupid.  Why not?  You keep re-electing them, right?  Let’s stop stupid.

Only a politician could think he should have a “credit” card with no “credit” limit.

Our economy is melting.  Unemployment is going back up again.  One in four of our countrymen is out of work.  Perfect time, perfect, to concentrate on…………………………………………………………..global warming.  Huh?

Character

Discipline is the Mother of All Virtues — never cross Mom.  She will smite you mightily.

Stop being so damn needy — you got you and that is a lot.

Today, see how kind you can be and then ask yourself — why not every day?

Look someone in the eye and give them a compliment.  Not some small little chicken excrement compliment.  A great big King Kong type compliment.

Go find someone who has really irked, vexed or pissed you off.  For a long time.  Go make peace with them.  Hug them.  Talk about a mind fuck, eh?  When you tell your significant other the story, you will not be able to stop laughing and you will recover that little dark space in your soul where that hatred used to camp out.

Life

There are no shortcuts to get where you really want to be, it’s all just hard work and it won’t kill you.

Stop hanging out with negative people, they will shoplift your life force — preserve your positive energy.  Don’t give away your life force.

Every so often, make some pure, delicious ME time and enjoy it, you deserve it.

Every so often, stop and look over your shoulder — wow, you have really accomplished a lot of good stuff — OK, now go have a root beer float.

In one week, you and a friend go see how many different types of cuisine you can consume.  Secret — kind of nutty but you will have a very, very good friend as a result of this.

Risk

Sure risk is scary but that elevated heartbeat, that’s called life — take some prudent risks.

Your comfort zone?  Stretch that line and push it out and get a bit uncomfortable.  What do you think life is a rest home or something?

Write someone a real letter — Hell, even type one out.  Can you imagine how stupefying it will be when someone gets an actual written letter from you?  They will call you.

Simplification

Every day look around and find two pieces of crap you can live without.  Give them to Goodwill and get a tax receipt.  Streamlining never felt so good.

Start paying all of your bills electronically, digitally and on line.  Recover all the angst and lost energy.

Make a personal plan, a budget and stick to it.  Visualize something you want and focus on getting it but don’t obsess.

Pay cash.

Engagement

Next time you have a really good meal and great service ask for the manager to come to your table and tell her exactly what you liked and why.  Put it out there.  Your dinner companion will, of course, think you’re nuts but you will have an aura of power.  This is the face to face Yelp!

Stop and help someone.  Put some time into it and make a change that is significant and powerful.  You know who will change the most?  YOU

Don’t tell me how bad something sucks until you have a couple of broken fingernails.  Go build a Habitat for Humanity house and get a splinter.

Engage, Maverick, engage.

But, hey, what the Hell do I know anyway?  I’m just a Big Red Car.

Be good to yourself.  Go burn that hair shirt.  A hair shirt?  Really?