So, under the influence of a pal who I accused of being a bit toxic in his behavior and the power of craft beer, here are some rules with which to lessen the toxicity.
He asked, “Why don’t people like me?” Here is what I told him, with the profanity edited. [Actually people do like him, but he needed a good kick in the ass.]
1. Stop comparing yourself to others who are better positioned from any perspective. Cut the envy, but do study how they became better positioned and, if you want that outcome, do what they did. Earn it.
Have you done the best you can with what you have? If you take that attitude, you own your own life.
2. Stop being such a snowflake and taking everything so damn personal. If somebody disagrees with you — trust me, this will happen — it is not because they hate you. It is because they have a different view of things that may be based on different facts or a better analysis.
Stop taking everything so damn personal.
3. The corollary of not taking everything so personal, quit with the damn victimhood. There will always be someone who has more money, a better job, a cooler car (of course, we are not talking about Big Red Cars here), a nicer house and shoots better golf scores.
This does not make you the victim of a global plot. It just is. Refuse to be a victim. You can do this.
4. Stop holding stuff in and letting the cumulative impact of your snowflake victimhood multiply until it drowns you. Move on. Stop looking backward and holding grudges. Let go of the toxic slime. Your current life is truly not impacted by the class play role you got in fifth grade. Trust me on this one.
5. Part of letting go of toxic stuff is lowering the level of your negative thoughts. I see this all the time from dipshits on Faceburger who live to find fault. Find something positive to say about something even if you have to force yourself. It may become a good habit.
Guy the other day tells me “hates” a certain politician. I say, “Hate is a toxin like cancer. Too much hate and the vessel gets sick.” Stop with the negative thoughts and hating.
6. If you are going to be an emotional person, take control of and be responsible for your emotions. I get it that things make you feel a certain way. If you can’t control the underlying trigger, then take control of the ensuing emotion. Stop exploding with anger.
Part of controlling your emotions is a proportional response. If somebody lets their dog take a dump on your front lawn, it is not the end of the world. Clean it up, banish the thought, and plot your revenge — the “plot your revenge” was a spoof to see if you’re paying attention. No revenge. Get a massage, a damn good foot massage.
7. Stop being so judgmental toward others. Don’t try to psychoanalyze people upon first meeting. The only normal people in the world are the ones we don’t know very well.
Here’s a thought — be kind to people rather than hopping on their case. Blow sunshine.
8. Know that your reaction when failing to be either compassionate or empathetic can be cruel. You are not a cruel person. Don’t gossip. Don’t feed the bad angels.
9. Do not cheat at the game of life just because you can. [Do not pay $600,000 to get your kid into Stanford. This will also save you money.]
The decision to cheat flavors your life; it makes it easier to take the wrong path in the future because you cheated and didn’t get caught. This requires you to be honest with yourself and if you’re not honest with yourself, who are you going to be honest with?
10, Own your own truth. There is my truth. There is the truth. There is your truth. Your truth is driven by your own, unique view of things. You are unique and you don’t have to “fit in” and celebrate what others celebrate. You can be you. You can own your own journey. You can live your own truth.
If you don’t — who are you? You are a poseur. Nobody likes a poseur.
11. Stop crowd sourcing your sense of accomplishment and looking for validation from others — except for your mother. [Mother’s Day backlash, y’all.] The second you leave the room, these same people are saying, “Wow, can you believe somebody really wears those clothes?”
Look to your inner self to validate what you need validated.
12. Stop making perfect the enemy of good enough. A lot of energy gets wasted in searching for that last 15%. I, a notorious perfectionist, opine that the last 15% gets you nothing. Sorry.
Which brings me to the closer — every action we take either generates energy for mankind and our slice of the world (energy source) or consumes energy (energy sink). Be a source of energy for the world, your bit of paldom, your family, your head.
In life we encounter and become one of three types of people.
Type A starts fires and generates energy.
Type B maintains the flow and keeps the fire burning.
Type C pisses on everybody elses’ fire.
At different times in our lives we may be either Type A or Type B, but never, ever be Type C. The world does not need any more people pissing on our fires. Huge oversupply.