Big Red Rules VIII

Big Red Car here.  Need some new Rules?  Well, here they are.

Take a look at the Rules and wait for their compilation every 5-6 sets of Rules.

Youth sports

Girls will not become President until they have learned teamwork and leadership in youth sports.  Those mean little boys are being groomed to lead on other fields of endeavor.  Get in the game, girls and Moms.  Every girl can be a scrapper going after loose basketballs.  Make the boys earn that ball.

Coach team sports as a Dad but be prepared to be owned by the Moms.  Don’t ever cross a Mom who is complaining about their cub’s playing time.  More fun to spar with the IRS.

Put the first Mom who calls you about anything related to the team in charge of refreshments and you will make an ally.  You want Moms as allies.  When the other Moms hear about this, they may be more reluctant to call you.  Pro tip.

No kid ever remembers the score or the team’s record one month after the season but they all remember if the Coach was a good guy.  Leave them laughing, Coach.

Flying

Flying is a huge mental escape from the reality of being stuck on the ground with your cares and worries.  In the air, they cannot fly with you.  Learn to fly an airplane and escape the bonds of Earth and your problems.  Escape.

Always try to balance take offs and landings.  Try to keep the numbers exactly even.  Pro tip.

There are old pilots.  There are bold pilots.  There are no old, bold pilots.

Always take off with your fuel tanks full.  Even if you only fly for an hour.  Ninety percent — 90% — of all crashes are fuel starvation related.  Don’t become a statistic.

Evil

Evil is around us every day.  You don’t have to look past the front page of the newspaper to find it.  Be aware of it and avoid it.  It will find you sooner or later.  Do not provide any assistance.

Squandering our precious national resources with incompetence is the same as stealing them through corruption.

Evil does not go on vacation. 

Food

Never try the salsa and chips when visiting a city which has a vowel in its name — Buena Vista — until you have either ice tea or ice water at hand.  Pro tip.

Know the difference between New York style pizza and Jersey Shore pizza and respect it.  If you don’t know the difference, learn it.  Remember it.

If you go to a new Italian restaurant, ask them about their meatballs.  If the word “Grandma” is not used in the first sentence of their reply, move on.  If they are using a recipe that was not originated by somebody’s Grandma, what the Hell are you doing there anyway?  Pro tip.

One time in your life eat BBQ beef ribs with every other rib bone removed.  If you have ever done this, you know what I am talking about.  If you have not, then you are in for a treat.  Not a losing your virginity kind of treat but a first kiss kind of treat to be sure.

Raising money

Raising money is not fun.  So what?  Going to the dentist is not fun either but sometimes you have to do it.  Stop whining and do it.  Every deal is not a root canal.

Big secret — there are guys whose only job is to inventory money.  When you relieve them of their money, you are helping them do their job.  Remember this and smile slyly.  Help them do their job.

In baseball you have to hit about .300 to be an effective pro.  In fundraising, you only have to hit 0.100 to be an effective fundraiser.  Maybe even less.  So what’s the big deal?

After every pitch, get some feedback as to what generated traction and what did not.  Get feedback and get better and better.  Keep the conversation alive.

Follow up every encounter — even those with folks you think are blood relatives of Darth Vader — with a phone call, an email and a handwritten note.  Quickly.  These type of reactions are not forgotten and neither of you are getting out of the game.  Use even failures to launch as relationship building opportunities. 

Failure

Failure is just tuition being pre-paid on your next successful endeavor.  Don’t look to pay too much tuition, but don’t cry about it either.  Pay it and move on.

It is wonderful to learn from experience but it is far cheaper to learn from someone else’s experience.  Borrow or shoplift other folks’ experience whenever you can.

Cars

The best car ever is one that is paid in full and has no debt.  You will love its frugality and it will return that love.  Every month.  It will arrive at your destination only a few minutes later than a BMW with a big monthly payment.  You will smile.

Buy used cars and let the original owner absorb the “Elvis is leaving the dealership” first year depreciation.

Find a trustworthy mechanic.  In the ATX, that would be ME “Gene” Johnson Garage.  They are the best.  No, you are going to have to look them up yourself.  Sheesh!

Change your oil.  Keep your tires at the right inflation and rotate them every 3,000 miles.  Get one of those lifetime balance and alignment deals.  Keep your car clean.  Your car will multiply your Karma 20 x.  Promise. 

White House tours

The Secret Service will literally take a bullet for the President but the President will blame the Secret Service for having to “cancel the White House tours” — hmmm, Big Red Car thinks you should never throw anyone under the bus who is willing to take a bullet for you.

If you are the President, the Commander in Chief, the Most Powerful Man in the World — you can order the White House tours to be continued unless you are not really comfortable with the job.  Or you are just jerking America’s chain.  C’mon, Mr President, you’re embarrassing us all.

Power

 You do not receive power.  You take power.  Take power and wield it with care.  It is hard to get rid of it if it doesn’t work just right.  No warranties here.

The most powerful exercise of power is to never, ever have to use it.  Even personal power is like nuclear power — the threat of its use is more powerful than any other aspect.

The way to garner personal power is to do favors for people and help them succeed.  Lion.  Thorn.  Mouse.

Tone deafness

The tone deafness of the current administration is incredible.  Four dead Americans in Benghazi are just a political marker to be dealt with and avoided — truth be damned.  Four dead Americans and a pack of lies.  All in the name of political viability.  Shame on all involved.   Oh, yeah, what difference does it all make now anyway — the election’s over, right?

When the budget must be bashed into shape at the expense of real world concerns — jobs, defense considerations — it is incredibly tone deaf to be celebrating the First Lady’s 5oth birthday.  When does someone invoke the notion of propriety and decency?  You cannot close the People’s House and then have a party.  It is unsightly.

We have 23MM Americans unemployed and underemployed.  We are still at war in Afghanistan but the President is going to vacation again this year on Martha’s Vineyard.  Just strikes a Big Red Car as a bit tone deaf.

Meetings

Every meeting should be evaluated — is this meeting really necessary?

Every meeting should have an agenda with a time budget and the conduct of the meeting should adhere to that agenda and time budget.

At the end of every meeting, there should be consensus on an action plan even if the action plan is to take no action.

 But, hey, what the Hell do I know anyway?  I’m just a Big Red Car.

  • Parkite

    Great list. Love the part on youth sports and girls. I’ve got 2 that are fierce competitors and can hang with the boys.