Big Red Car here in the ATX wherein we are in the midst of SXSW. [To be cool, please call it, “South By”, but you already knew this, right?]
So, yesterday, we had Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez speak for more than an hour during an interview. AOC! AOC! AOC!
I will not editorialize as to what I do or do not think about it because we are going to interview Her Highness in the raw.
If you want to listen to her comments, here they are in their entirety.
WATCH: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez speaks at SXSW https://t.co/PBmUT5rgSD
— TicToc by Bloomberg (@tictoc) March 9, 2019
“So, Congresswoman, it is very kind of you to speak with us today. Thank you and welcome to Austin By God Texas.”
“Wow, you’re old, Big Red Car. How old are you anyway?”
“I was put together in 1966, making me fifty-three years old next week.”
The Congresswoman laughed and tried to hide it, but it was hurtful. I didn’t expect AOC to be this mean. I bit my lip and cowboyed on. This is Texas after all.
“You’re, like, ancient. I’m twenty-nine. I can’t run for President for six more years. Wow. So what do you want to talk about?”
“Congresswoman, I’ve read your Green New Deal, quite an impressive body of work. How did you come to Austin?”
“So, we’re going to start in right from the beginning? I flew charter from DC. Part of my agreeing to speak was a free flight with M&Ms and Blood Orange San Pelligrino. Here I have one for you.”
“Thank you, Congresswoman, but I only drink 10W40 lubricants. The San Pellegrino disagrees with me, but thank you nonetheless. Do you think that flying charter from DC to Austin is hypocritical?”
“No, San Pellegrino for you, Big Red. No. I have some ideas for others, but for me, I have to consider the value of my time. So, in AOC World, they ride the train and I fly. Next question.”
“Fair enough. How do you like Austin?”
“It’s nice. They put me and my boyfriend up at the Four Seasons — nice suite with room service. We had an excellent dinner and my hosts are paying for all of that also. I do have one complaint — no free condoms at the Four Seasons. WTF is that all about?”
“Speaking of eating in Austin, you put out a Tweet looking for the best tacos in Austin? Where did you eat?”
“I finally got some tacos at Taco Deli, but I understand I should have gone to Juan in a Million?”
“Perhaps. Let’s change gears for a second — get it, change gears?”
“OK, Big Red Car, speed it up, shall we? Get it? You’re old, rusty, and boring. One more question.”
“OK, Congresswoman, who do you like in the 2020 election?”
“Ooooh, good question. I get to be Kingmaker? I’m already, like, the Boss, but now I get to be the Kingmaker. OK, I hate Biden. Old, creepy, white. Ugh.”
“Not running yet. Let’s focus on the people who are running, shall we?”
“OK, I hate Elizabeth Warren — what’s up with all that cultural appropriation shit? If she’s an Indian, I’m an Eskimo, OK? Old, white, non-Indian.”
“Who do you like?”
“OK, not Cory Booker. He’s a little slow witted. Yes, I know he played college football, but he’s creepy.”
“Who do you like?”
“Not Kamala Harris. She says she’s black, but isn’t she part Jamaican and, like, Indian? How does she get off calling herself an African American? She isn’t African, she’s Jamaican. Jamaican-Indian-American? Right?”
“I suppose so. What do you think about Senator Harris’ call for the largest middle class tax cut in history?”
“I think she’s bat shit crazy. We need to raise taxes, not lower them. How are we going to pay for my New Green Deal if we don’t tax the Hell out of the rich people?”
“Just the rich? You want to tax just the rich?”
“Yes, if you make more than five thousand dollars a year, then you need to pay your fair share. Your fair share is 70%.”
It went right over the Big Red Car’s head about AOC’s definition of “rich.”
“OK, how about Beto? You like Beto for President?”
“No. He’s way too liberal.”
“What? Beto is too liberal? For you?”
“Just kidding, Big Red Car. I love Beto though he is just a white boy from El Paso named Robert Francis O’Roadtrip, right? Do not tell my boyfriend I said that. He gets so jealous. I have to go now. Sorry, I can’t stay and talk to you, you dinosaur.”
On that note, the interview ended. Please do watch her interview in its entirety. Very interesting.